The God of Know

As Paul begins a new series this semester about finding God's will for your life, I think it's important to understand that God can work in each person's life differently, often very differently. Many of us have thoughts that would echo some of the points from last Community Night. "God, if I could just knew what you sounded like." "God, Lord God, I know that you have a path for me, a path that I must follow, but God, how do I know that the path I'm on is that true path?"
     We may question the path that we are on, or question the choices we made in the past that have inevitably led us to the very moment in time. We may often feel that what we have in our heart and the opportunities before us have to be from God.......right? Why else would they be there, or are lining up the way they are if they are not from God.......right? But like I mentioned earlier, God can work in each person differently, and I think that if we see the way that God works in others, maybe we will see the way he can work in us.
     When I look back at my life I can see very clearly how God has worked to bring me to the place I'm at right now. Furthermore, it's this reminiscing that gives me hope for the future and the will to push on, because when I look back at the times of my life when a decision had to be made or when I didn't have a clue in which direction to take my first step, God came through. However it wasn't the way I expected.
      When I was in high school, I played baseball. I had dreams of playing in college and more distant dreams of playing on after college professionally. I poured my heart, soul, and energy into this game, and it payed off. I went to college to play ball and kept the dreams of being drafted alive. God, however saw the future and saw the things that he needed me to do for Him. Long story short, I broke my back, lost my swing, and lost my love for the game. God saw my desire and the effort I put into trying to make it professionally, but he said NO. So then I had to start the next chapter of my life.
               For those of you who don't know me I'm a marine biologist. And that was my new pursuit. I began my search for graduate schools and found the perfect one, the University of Guam. I had a project I was accepted, I was on my way. A few months before the semester was to start, the grant that was to fund me fell though. I couldn't go, God said NO. Two weeks later I was accepted into FIU. Without getting into too much detail, the project I was working on fell apart, the study I was conducting, didn't really hold water, and the direction of my life was drastically altered. In everyone of these areas, I had confidence, direction, and momentum that this was God's will, his plan, his direction. Everyone of these started out with such vigor and hope that I thought that this couldn't be anything other than God, but through the process, and little by little, these things started to change. God was telling me NO. He was telling me that they weren't perfect. He was telling me that I wasn't meant to play baseball. He was telling me that he didn't want me in the South Pacific. He was telling me that your graduate thesis needs to go in this direction. The thing is, he never spoke to me directly in a really deep awesome voice saying "do this" or,"Go here", by telling me NO to the things that thought I knew, he was actually showing me that he KNOWS more than me that, he loves me enough to let me chase my dreams and when I need to realign my navigation, he takes care of that. He has placed some deep desires in my heart. By redirecting me, he has never asked me to give up the things I love or the passions I have (it was He  who placed them there in the first place). By telling me NO (in my case, for my life) he was simply trimming away the things that would ultimately slow me down and keep from the ultimate good. So as you pursue whatever it is your pursue, KNOW that you will be sustained, KNOW that you will be taken care of, and KNOW that there is direction, even if there are struggles and NO's along the way.


~B

In the beginning...

I started praying for a house.  I thought I was praying for a coffee house.  Instead I was praying for a house with 8 people, 3 coffee makers, and an espresso machine.

I felt like God wanted me to pray for a house.  He didn’t give me any details other than “pray for a house.”  So I began praying, thinking that perhaps God was going to open up a way for me to work in or start up a Christian coffee house which was a dream I had been passionate about in the past.  One day I mentioned to my boss that I had started praying for a house which he found to be interesting.  I work for FIU-MDC Wesley (a Christian organization for college students).  He went on to share his thoughts about developing a Christian community house as part of our campus ministry.

A few months later, after more prayer and discussion, I started looking at real estate near the FIU MMC campus.  It wasn’t easy.  Some houses were too far from campus, too small, kinda shady, kinda fancy and out of our budget etc.  Right before I left Miami to go home to be with my family during the summer I found “the house.”  God had waited to the last minute but He pulled through.  Multiple bedroom, close to campus, reasonable rent…perfect.

I ventured the 17 hour drive to my homeland with a month of relaxation in sight before coming back to move into my new place.  Amidst my month of running through the woods and hollers of my farm I received a phone call saying the lease had fallen through which meant no house for Wesley.  That in turn meant no job for me since I was returning to Miami to be the House Director.

God let everything crash and burn.  All the houses I had looked at were for nothing.  I had opted not to interview for other opportunities because I was returning to Miami for another year with Wesley.  I had even received words of encouragement about the plan for the house from people I trust to be honest before God and people.  When I finally thought I had found God’s will and was in God’s plan I had gotten it all wrong.  To say the least I was upset.

I questioned whether I even knew God’s voice anymore.  In my mind I had already fought the fight against doubt and fear.  I had struggled with the question of returning to the city when I viewed myself as a girl with a heart for the open land of the country.  I had thrown in my hand because I thought God gave me the signal.  Had I read His signal all wrong?  I believed that I knew Him.  Either I didn’t understand Him or He let me lose on purpose.

While my mind was replaying the rug being pulled out from under me, other more hopeful conversations were happening 17 hours south.  To cut to the chase, within less than 2 weeks we had another house which was bigger and better than the first.  We also had 3 commitments on people who wanted to live there with more soon to follow.  I’m not saying all stories are meant to have a crash and burn with a drastic turn around.  But, we can cling to this: ^“Unless the LORD builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.” (Psalm 127: 1-2)

Now I am living in this experiment in Christian community.  I have been here for a little over 5 months.  I battled for the house against an army of ants – no joke.  I have laughed till it hurts.  There have been times when I cried myself to sleep.  I’ve been pushed to love more.  My tendencies to be OCD about organization and neatness have been tested.  So far I have seen 3 coffee pots live here, become perhaps a bit too fond of Cuban espresso, and shared family dinner with people from across the US/world.  The story continues…

Julie