In more serious conversations on relationships I used to tell people
that I didn’t want to get married, and I meant it. With some close friends this answer was
accepted, but most people seemed to want to convince me that I would be happier
if I changed my mind. This was quite
frustrating. To me it seemed like no one
understood how I felt or saw my point of view.
I thought perhaps something was wrong with me when I compared myself to normal
people in society who were on quests to find “the one.”
Frustration and a sense of guilt built up until relationship
conversations made me want to run for the door.
Then one day a friend asked me a question that stuck until I looked at
it rather than running for the escape hatch.
“Do you want to be single because of calling or because of areas of
brokenness?” A short time after that I
was introduced to the idea that marriage was “a calling.” I knew God wanted to have a conversation
about relationships. I was stubborn for
a while because I didn’t want God added to the list of people on my case that
included my grandma. I figured that
grandma wanted to become great grandma and God wanted me to fulfill the instruction
to “be fruitful and multiply.” My answer
to both was “no.”
God didn’t give up – He never
does. I relented and agreed to have a
chat which turned into several chats. I
admitted that I was cynical about romantic relationships. I had issues about what I had been taught
concerning submission in relationships.
There was fear and dread in my heart.
God and I are still talking, but my perspective and my prayers have
changed.
Singleness is a calling.
Marriage is a calling. Both can
be beautiful ways to live. Fulfillment
is not gained by finding “the one” so I can be complete. Only God can complete me. Yet, I do not have to be afraid of being
alone if I remain single, and I do not have to be afraid of sharing my life
with a future husband.
If I do get married one day my previous
profile of the perfect guy is different.
Most of all I want someone who is so in love with God that it defines
him. I used to be afraid of
relationships because I thought that I needed to be realistic and settle for a
guy as long as he claimed Christianity at least in name. According to studies and just by looking at
who goes to church, there don’t seem to be a lot of strong Christian guys out
there.
I wrestle with reality, but reality is losing. Settling sucks. Jesus is my first love in singleness or in marriage. My blonde haired boy in a black truck has to
love Jesus too ;) Or if I am called to a
life of singleness there is nothing wrong with buying my own truck and riding around
with good friends and Jesus.
Julie
