In Honor of Valentine's Day

5’7”to 5’9” shaggy blonde hair, blue eyes, athletic, considerate, intelligent, good humored, drives a black truck, good guy – that was the profile I was looking for or at least that is what I used to tell people when they asked.  When you are in your early 20s and single a favorite question of grandmas and friends you haven’t seen in a while is “So, have you met anyone yet?”  My strategy was 1) change the subject in a nonchalant way (which I usually failed at) or 2) give them the list of my perfect profile.

In more serious conversations on relationships I used to tell people that I didn’t want to get married, and I meant it.  With some close friends this answer was accepted, but most people seemed to want to convince me that I would be happier if I changed my mind.  This was quite frustrating.  To me it seemed like no one understood how I felt or saw my point of view.  I thought perhaps something was wrong with me when I compared myself to normal people in society who were on quests to find “the one.”

Frustration and a sense of guilt built up until relationship conversations made me want to run for the door.  Then one day a friend asked me a question that stuck until I looked at it rather than running for the escape hatch.  “Do you want to be single because of calling or because of areas of brokenness?”  A short time after that I was introduced to the idea that marriage was “a calling.”  I knew God wanted to have a conversation about relationships.  I was stubborn for a while because I didn’t want God added to the list of people on my case that included my grandma.  I figured that grandma wanted to become great grandma and God wanted me to fulfill the instruction to “be fruitful and multiply.”  My answer to both was “no.”

God didn’t give up – He never does.  I relented and agreed to have a chat which turned into several chats.  I admitted that I was cynical about romantic relationships.  I had issues about what I had been taught concerning submission in relationships.  There was fear and dread in my heart.  God and I are still talking, but my perspective and my prayers have changed.

Singleness is a calling.  Marriage is a calling.  Both can be beautiful ways to live.  Fulfillment is not gained by finding “the one” so I can be complete.  Only God can complete me.  Yet, I do not have to be afraid of being alone if I remain single, and I do not have to be afraid of sharing my life with a future husband.

If I do get married one day my previous profile of the perfect guy is different.  Most of all I want someone who is so in love with God that it defines him.  I used to be afraid of relationships because I thought that I needed to be realistic and settle for a guy as long as he claimed Christianity at least in name.  According to studies and just by looking at who goes to church, there don’t seem to be a lot of strong Christian guys out there.   

I wrestle with reality, but reality is losing.  Settling sucks.  Jesus is my first love in singleness or in marriage.  My blonde haired boy in a black truck has to love Jesus too ;)  Or if I am called to a life of singleness there is nothing wrong with buying my own truck and riding around with good friends and Jesus.

Julie